Some people would argue and say that a “fuck off” attitude is not a good attitude to have. However, if we’re REALLY honest with ourselves, there are many times when that’s exactly how we feel. The problem is that we normally don’t know how to transfer that attitude into an action without hurting someone’s feelings.
This past year has really been a “fuck off” year for me. Although I never used those exact words, my attitude behind it was EXACTLY that. In essence, I told family to “fuck off”, friends to “fuck off”, and my job to “fuck off” and although I love a special person in my life, I’ve told him more than once to yes you guessed it, “fuck off”!! Why? I’ve had this attitude because human beings can be just as bad as blood thirsty leeches and will suck the life out of you if you let them!
Last night someone (whom I love dearly) expressed a need or a desire that I felt no desire to comply with. I felt that she was looking for me to be the Shemeka she knew twenty years ago. My feelings went back and forth as I thought about how I really felt about her request. Those feelings swayed from understanding to anger. I understood because I too remember the times we had together and they were truly fun times. I felt anger because the past is the past and the reality she’s seeking in my opinion never truly existed. I’ve expressed that the best way I know how but I’ve found for many people they try to hold you in a place that makes THEM comfortable even if this makes YOU UNcomfortable!
What we have to understand is that as people in our lives evolve we have to evolve as well and the nature of our relationship may change. If you sit around and smoke weed all day, nine times out of ten when you stop smoking weed, you won’t have a desire to hang with weed heads all day. Side note: I’m not a weed head but I loved that example so I rolled with it.
This morning as I sat quietly I came to a place of peace. I realized that it’s okay for people to have their needs and desires. It’s also okay if I can’t or don’t desire to meet those needs. I’m not the person I use to be. Next week I may not be the person I am today and that’s cool with me. What’s not cool is when others try to keep us in a box that we don’t want to be in. I’ve stepped outside of the box and I like it here. I don’t feel like I owe anyone anything but love. I give everyone exactly who I am at this moment good, bad or indifferent; unapologetically.
I leave you with this…..Love hard. Don’t let anyone make you betray YOURSELF, hold on to what you value. Protect what you believe in. Let your smile read “take me as I am”. However if they STILL don’t understand or want to accept you as you are, let your attitude be a resounding “fuck off”!!