ONE Relationship Red Flag You Should Never Ignore

~Shemeka Michelle red flag


INSECURITY – uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence.

I’m amazed that the definition reads “anxiety about oneself”. What’s even more amazing to me is how this anxiety and lack of confidence can be transferrable in relationships. When you’re in a relationship with a person that is insecure, they may ask a question that appears as simple as “where have you been?” But, an insecure person can turn this one question into an assault on your character! Being in a relationship with a person whose lack of confidence breeds unwarranted distrust is absolutely exhausting! If you aren’t careful, their lack of confidence becomes YOUR lack of confidence. You could begin to question everything about yourself. Sadly, this isn’t as simple as second guessing your appearance or physical attributes.

This insecurity can cause you to second guess and lose confidence in your very purpose of being.

This is all too real for me. I’ve had the unfortunate experience of being involved with a man who felt the need to rake over my character with a fine tooth comb. Although I had never cheated on him or even had a desire to be with someone else, I could never do enough to prove this fact to him. I’m a people person and I love to share my life experiences with others. In order to do this, I must COMMUNICATE with PEOPLE. For him, this was always a problem because in his eyes, any man that even spoke to me only wanted to sleep with me. It never dawned on him that at his best, he cosigned my feeling of beauty inside and out. I was happy with him. Another man’s intentions for me should never have been the cause for mistrust. However, it never mattered that he was the only man I had eyes for. I was constantly badgered by my partner nearly stifling my very existence. I was always treated as if I lacked the intelligence to make proper choices. He constantly questioned my intentions as if I lacked any type of morals and values. We would literally have arguments over things that didn’t even exist. It got to the point that I hated to be around him or even see his number on my caller ID. I attribute his bad behavior to him feeling unworthy of my attention and affection in the first place. Why? Because he was insecure of whom he was and what great qualities he brought to the table.

Every day I strapped on tap shoes preparing for my tiring dance to prove my love.

Many of us have fallen for the lie that someone who exerts this type of obsessive behavior is just showing love. However, stunting your ability to flourish, grow and evolve isn’t love!  If you aren’t careful, this can actually turn into a codependent insecurity riddled relationship.

I’m a true believer that you have to separate someone’s lack from their worth and minor insecurities don’t necessarily equate to deal breakers. After all, many things can contribute to one’s lack of confidence and a lot of us have held minor anxieties about ourselves at one time or another. However, I believe that extreme insecurity is a red flag that should NOT be overlooked. Lack of confidence should never be a way of life or a characteristic that we accept. It most definitely shouldn’t be allowed in our lives when it brings unrest and disturbed peace.

Insecurity then becomes more than just a flag on the play. It’s a resounding whistle from the universal referee signaling you to end the game!