~Shemeka Michelle
As I wash the dishes for the third time in one week (although that’s my oldest daughter’s chore), I glance over at the TV that’s full of tiny fingerprints. Obviously my middle daughter has failed to dust the family room (as that is her chore). That’s when I have the overwhelming feeling that I’m just ready for all three of my children to grow up and move the hell out of my house! It’s a weird feeling because I know that at the core of me, I love being a mom. However, being a mom is the hardest job that sometimes you just want to quit but can’t. Now, before you clutch your pearls, let me explain. I am totally grateful for my children but sometimes I don’t feel like being that superwoman that society has told me I have to be.
More often than not, I have a pile of unfolded clothes that need to be put away. Then there’s another load that just sits in the dryer because I don’t have time to fold it and I don’t want to add to the pile that’s already been sitting for days. There are days that I’m so exhausted from running behind my two younger ones that I can barely breath (I’m probably just out of shape though). Add to that a college student with young adult issues and I feel like my work is never done. Sometimes I don’t even feel like being creative for dinner. I want to serve the same old quick meal and after a long day, have THEM tuck ME into bed.
Those are things that I may never have said aloud until I recently read “The Emotional Assassination of Women”. We as women have indeed been made to feel like we constantly have to put our emotional needs last. I honestly thought I was doing well in this area until I realized that sometimes I still have feelings of guilt when I’m not mirroring June Cleaver or Carol Brady. I’m not that mom that can wake up smiling, see them off to school, make sure the house is spotless, the laundry is done and have a gourmet meal waiting for them when they return. I’ve accepted the fact that I’m not that woman but I find myself still welcoming guest into my home with the same disclaimer “Please excuse the mess” and then wondering if they’re thinking I’m a pathetic slob who needs to get her life together.
I’m reprogramming my mind to have different standards of what a good mom or woman is. Sometimes I don’t like working on this job with no pay, double overtime and no sick leave. However, I’m pretty good at it when it’s done my way. I’m happiest when I don’t let the guilt of measuring up stress me out. My Facebook profile pic is me as Super Woman. I will still proudly wear the “S” as I’m still super at so many things. But, I’m not perfect and TODAY, I’m completely okay with that.
About Shemeka Michelle: “I was that chick. Gave it all up, all of it. I put all my eggs in one basket. Didn’t have a plan B ‘cause I believed in plan A. Then one day, all of it came to an end. All I could do was take it. I’m a survivor with 3 kids I HAD to make it! So instead of dying from pain and hiding in shame, I’ve decided to get NAKED.”
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