My Toxic Friendship: I Broke it OFF!

NGSC: Kenita Stubbs photo (1)


I did it and I am so relieved! It wasn’t done out of spite, nor did it come from a mean spirited place! I had a lifelong friend that I’ve always loved so much.  I know I will forever love her because love does change when it is real. My friend and I had not seen each other for years because we had grown into our adulthood and life had taken us in different directions. But, I knew no matter what life brought it would never affect the bond I thought we had. In 2011 we were reunited because that was the year I married my current husband. There was no way my lifelong high school friend would not be there to share that day with me! From then on we picked up as if we had never parted! We became even closer than ever! Immediately she had grown a bond with my youngest daughter and my daughter was instantly attached to her. They were so tight and she was very active in her life as well as protective. Needless to say she assumed the role of being her godmother.

As time went on I began to see changes in her. At first they were just small misunderstandings; small things like messages that had been taken out of context. But, the more I thought I was being an understanding friend and looking beyond certain issues, the more she was being sneaky and deceitful. I could not understand why! I was always doing damage control as she felt that our mutual friends did not love her as much as I did. I often explained to her the different personalities they all had and that none of them meant any harm. I had to remind her that while she was away from us for years, we all remained active and had not skipped a beat. She seemed to slowly understand and to make her feel more a part again I would ask the others to spend more time with her. I tried to be the glue to keep us all together. I wish I would have had more signs and warnings of what was to come.

That friend ended up being my worst nightmare! She literally did everything she could to turn my lifelong childhood friends against me. She lied on me and made them believe that I was disloyal. She told me things about our mutual friends that were not even a big deal and in turn when I was not around she said the things she told me, said that I told her but added a little twist. The twists were lies. She made the irrelevant, negatively relevant at my expense. She was so deceitful that she caused a major disturbance in our sisterhood. But why….we all still want to know why? Needles to say her lies betrayal and deceit caught up with her and ALL of her lies were exposed. They forgave her and felt that I should too. As time passed although it was very hard, I forgave. I tried very hard to let the past be the past for the sake of our friendship. Despite the hurt I had endured from the damage that was done I continued to try my best to look beyond her faults! I tried to love her pass the pain. However, that was not good enough because she started her foolishness again!

I began to distance myself because I knew that the toxic relationship meant me no good. The more I stayed away, the easier it was to forgive her. Soon I realized forgiveness does not mean having to be at arm’s reach; forgiving her was a benefit for me. I decided to always be cordial and respectful. I was recently able to express this to her in the nicest way possible. She had suffered from amnesia apparently as I explained why I no longer wanted to be around her. I tried my best to explain that I love her and I had forgiven her but at this point of my life, I just didn’t want to be a part of any negativity. She stated that she was fine with my decision and would always love me as well. The way our conversation ended I still felt time would heal all wounds. But time didn’t even have a chance the day of my recent production. This woman even found a way to try and hurt me the day of my event.

Because she was not welcomed due to obvious reasons, she had a family member of hers call me on her behalf regarding my decision to cut ties. Two hours before my production they thought it was ok to call me and to tell me a of piece of their minds. My daughter took over because she didn’t want anything to hinder my spirit or my big day. Her excuse was “she told her family member not to call me” and that was between us. It didn’t move me nor bother me; it was actually pathetic that she would allow this to happen. She and I had not spoken in months until recently when I was honest with her and I told her I was no longer interested in a friendship with her. That conversation took place DAYS before yet I was called TWO hours before my play only to be told “fuck you” and that I wasn’t shit for no longer wanting to be friends with her. My first instinct was to let them know that they were ignorant and needed to go run in traffic. But, because there was no need to continue to engage in such a negative waist of my time, I decided to let them know that I was going to pray for them. No weapon formed against me shall prosper.  I ignored them and moved on! As hard as it was at first to forgive and let go, I’m so glad I did. I finally had the strength to not buckle for the sake of compassion and finally, I BROKE IT OFF!