No parent looks forward to the day that their child needs them but they aren’t there to save the day. Yet that’s where I stand right now. Less than 48 hours ago my 19 years old daughter was *allegedly attacked by her 21 years old boyfriend. She was slapped, punched, bitten and taken to a secluded park where she begged for her life. Thankfully she is still alive but I am ANGRY AS HELL! I haven’t been able to cry or scream but this silent anger is unusual for me and quite scary. I’m not even sure how to get past this emotional state that I’m stuck in right now. My thoughts towards her assailant are ranging from forgiveness to extreme torture. I can’t begin to imagine the fear she must have had. It pisses me off that someone that she loves and that I opened my home to felt he had the right to treat her as if she was some type of worthless animal.
Almost two months ago, I wrote a blog about her confessing to me that she was attracted to women. Initially I was completely devastated as I expressed that this wasn’t what I had hoped for her. Eventually, I accepted her feelings and realized that she would be the same person that I absolutely adore whether she was with a man or a woman. I noticed that she continuously said “Men aren’t shit”. I assumed that she partly felt this way because of her absent biological father and my failed marriage to the man we all consider her dad. Today, I assume that blows to the face from a man that claims to love her haven’t helped her disdain for men either. Today I stand disgusted at the fact that this wasn’t the first time and I too was constantly deceived by his buck-toothed grin!
I’ve known deep down for some time now that this was either happening in her relationship or headed in that direction. Many others had the same reservations but she would never confirm our suspicions. I’ve sat closed mouthed and feeling helpless but hoping for the best for months. Of course I’m questioning myself as a parent and wondering what I must have done wrong to keep her from coming to me sooner. I’m not sure if I’ve been too involved or after this, not involved enough. I wonder how someone as beautiful as my daughter could allow someone to mistreat her like this. However, I know this is much deeper than physical beauty. I also know abuse is abuse no matter the degree and I can’t stand in self righteousness and at like I’ve never experienced it.
What do I do? How do I get myself together to provide what she needs in this difficult time? I was recently told by a friend that I am the counselor for everything. However presently, I’m at a lost. I have no idea how to support my daughter through this. I’m showing her strength and letting her know that I’ll always be here for her but on the inside, there’s a silent war going on. It’s so hard watching her cry and looking into her puffy eyes but not being able to take away her hurt and disappointment. Every time I look at her, I want to FUCK HIM UP but I trust the law to provide that justice. I know what it feels like to feel helpless and worthless. I hate for any person to feel this way especially my daughter.
Mothers, I urge you to listen to your intuition or motherly instincts. If you sense that something isn’t right, it probably isn’t so please pay attention. If you’re reading this and you’re the one being abused, PLEASE speak out. The abuser may threaten you to keep quiet and convince you that no one cares. I’m pretty sure more often than not, this isn’t the case. I may not know how we’ll get through this but I know for sure that we will!
*I used the word allegedly because this case hasn’t been tried in a court of law. However, I totally believe my daughter and I can see the bruises with my own eyes.
If you’re being abused or know someone who is, please call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)