My daughter walked in my room and asked me how she looked. Then she hopped up on my bed so that she could see a full body image of herself in the mirror on my dresser. She had on jeggings that were obviously stuffed to make her butt look bigger. I laughed and shook my head but she was so excited and wondered if we thought it looked real. I explained to her that she had brains and beauty and booty was irrelevant. But her sister chimed in stating that SHE was fortunate enough to have brains, beauty AND booty. Although I laughed at my baby girl, in the days that followed I couldn’t help but wonder what role I had played in making her think it’s necessary for her to have a big butt.
I have to admit that she’s sat with me while I’ve watched Love & Hip Hop. If you’re familiar with the show, you know many of them pride themselves in being phony. I also have a jar on my dresser marked “boob job fund”. After having and nursing three children, I’ve never been quiet about the fact that I want plastic surgery. The real questions are why and what does this say to my children? For the last eleven years, I’ve complained about my breast. I’ve been very open about the fact that I want them fixed. I’ve used every excuse like “they’ll look better in my bathing suit” or “I could wear outfits with no bra”. When the truth is, I just want to look perfect or closer to society’s standards of what perfection is. I should be grateful that my breasts are cancer free and they served the purpose of nourishing three children. However, I would rather ride my man knowing he had two awesome titties to look at. When he’s hitting it from the back, I would rather not look down to see cow utters swinging. Therefore, I’ve constantly verbalized my unhappiness about my physical imperfections. Along with that, my daughter has also watched me place unnecessary emphasis on what my ass looks like. She’s watched me get dressed only to change outfits simply because my butt looked too flat.
So what am I teaching her? She loves having dark skin and natural hair because I’ve taught her not only with words but my actions that those attributes are beautiful. She’s also smart and outgoing. However, I had a huge reality check when she walked into my room with stuffed pants. It said to me that I needed to not only tighten up but take a long hard look at myself. I definitely don’t think that perky titties and a big butt make me a better woman than I am. I would never want my daughter or any other woman to feel like physical attributes add or take away from being a true woman.
I did start working out today (AGAIN) because I desire to look tight and right. But, right now I have no desire to go under the knife. It’s important to me that my daughter truly understands her worth without surgery. I have to figure out a way to convey to her that she’s beautiful just the way she is. Her very essence is magnetic. She doesn’t need a big butt to be talented or successful. Sure, it’s appeasing to many men but the saying is “behind every good man is a great woman”! Not “behind every good man is a great woman with a big ass”!
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