Introduce who you are FIRST. Don’t show me YOURSELF later!

NG Contributor: Kenita Stubbs

Kenita Stubbs

My name is Kenita Stubbs and I’m a proud mother of four yes FOUR children. I’m married and have been married four yes FOUR times. I had my first child when I was sixteen. Although I “rep” class of 92, I did not walk across the stage with the rest of my class. I received my high school diploma from the Durham service Corp at NCCU.  I wasted a lot of time hanging out partying, procrastinating and living carefree because I always knew no matter what, my grandmother had my back and there was no need to worry about my responsibilities. Between my grandmother and my mother, they both took good care of my first two kids. I rarely had them. Between me going from job to job to hanging with my girls or being with whatever boyfriend I had at the time, I didn’t spend as much motherly quality time with them like they deserved.  They were not abandoned but I could have taken more trips to the park and many more family outings.

Why share this? This is me introducing who I am; a woman that has hid these guilty feelings for many many years! Although I have changed, matured and have learned from many of my mistakes, those things were a part of my life. For years I was ashamed of those things and when I met people, I would leave those things out, especially if they did not ask. I felt that the responses I would get would be judgmental and critical. Although I love all FOUR of my kids  with all my heart and I would not change GOD blessing me with them for anything in the world, I always waited for the shock and look in a person’s face when I say that I have four children. Not to mention four HUSBANDS!

But whether past, present or future; trials, mistakes, screw ups, situations and circumstances, it’s who I am. This is the “ME” I’ll introduce with no shame nor guilt and nothing to hide! I have ripped off the garments of “what people may think” and have become completely “NAKED!”

With all that said, I encourage every reader to introduce who you are when you meet someone that you will be establishing a future relationship with. If they can’t accept your past, flaws, kids, “what people say” then let them move forward.  We all deserve to be accepted and RESPECTED as who we are not who we were.

Now that we’ve met, introduce who you are first. I hate it when I meet someone and their introduction of who they say they are does not match later on! Be real and honest in the beginning instead of having layers of lies later shed. Why be someone you are not? You should never have anything to hide when you expect someone to love you for you. How can I love you for you if you are living a lie? I’ve learned that it is easier to love others once you truly love and forgive yourself first. So Introduce who you are first, don’t show me your-SELF later.