Many women marry, divorce and walk away with nothing. I think many of them feel as if they have something to prove by leaving everything behind and starting over from scratch. I actually had a woman tell me prior to my divorce that there were nights she and her children had to share cans of beans and weenies. She said she was confident that I had the strength to do the same because I was a survivor. That had to be the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard! I was married to a man who was grossing half a million a year. Why would I walk away with nothing only to have my children eating from a can? Would that have made me more of a woman? In my opinion that would’ve just made me prideful and hungry!
I just recently heard another woman say that our ancestors fought through slavery building everything they had and women can do the same. Although she seemed to be pushing the same walk away with nothing and start over mentality, her statement was actually true. Many of us have the ability to make something out of nothing. However, I felt with all the contributions I made to his successful business, I had already done that so why try to reinvent the wheel? Although I never cleaned one roach infested building, my contributions were great and undeniable. TOGETHER we made his business great so when we decided to go our separate ways, through my heartache and pain I still knew that bish better have my money!
Our divorce was a very difficult time for us. He couldn’t understand why I trusted a judge more than I did him to be sure we were taken care of. I couldn’t understand why he thought after everything that happened in the marriage that I should trust him. I continued for over a year to fight for what I felt I deserved. I felt like throwing in the towel so many times but I had to stay focus on the end results. I had no desire to have an “S” on my chest while lighting a small apartment with candles or heating it by opening the stove. That may be the heroic story of some women but I was determined it wasn’t going to be mine.
Today my ex husband and I get along great! Although he may not like writing me a check every month, I think he secretly admires my strength and tenacity to stand up for what I believed in. I actually feel like I get more respect and support from him now than I did when we were married. Everyone has their own story and I can’t criticize anyone for how they choose for it to read. However, I wasn’t willing to leave and be ass out. The only thing I would change is actually settling for less than the judge awarded. Hopefully one day he’ll thank me for that by tossing extra coins my way just to show his appreciation. Until then, my children and I are still living well because I fought for half and I don’t regret it!