How can one person be fearless and afraid? It sounds like it’s impossible to be both but I was. I’m fearless in saying what’s on my mind. I’m fearless in wearing things others wouldn’t dare. I’m fearless in speaking up for myself and extremely fearless when it comes to protecting my kids. I’m even fearless when it comes to trying new things but time after time I’ve let great opportunities pass me by. Some would say that I’m afraid to fail but I really think I’m afraid to succeed. It’s easy to get naked about my strengths but I must keep it naked about my weaknesses.
I’m an official correspondent for the fabulous Six Brown Chicks. If you live under a rock and have never heard of them, look them up. A few months ago I fearlessly wrote a blog that the CEO of Six Brown Chicks submitted to HARPO Productions. If you live on another planet and don’t know what that is, again, look it up! They called and wanted to talk to me about being a part of an upcoming show of Iyanla’s Fix My Life. I fearlessly recounted the situation and fearlessly opened up to the producer. However, after realizing that I wasn’t currently in the situation they were looking for, the producer congratulated me for actually overcoming that situation but said they were looking for women who hadn’t made it out. However, she went on to offer me the opportunity to come anyway saying “maybe they would get to my story; maybe not”. It really depended on the flow of the taping. To make a long story short, I didn’t go simply because I was afraid.
While most are still stuck on the fact that I didn’t go (which is okay because I was stuck there for a while too), I’m more concerned with the REASON that kept me from going. I’m no psychologist but somehow the opportunity triggered fear. I also instantly felt slighted because I had actually SUCCEEDED in getting out of a destructive relationship. For some reason, because I had overcome that relationship, I felt like I had nothing valuable to offer. Can you imagine overcoming not just a relationship but a lifestyle which was destined for doom but still feeling like you have nothing valuable to offer? It was as if my brain automatically equated success as something bad. From there, I totally talked myself out of going. Afterward, I was pissed because I realized I’ve done that all of my life which makes absolutely no sense.
Everything happens for a reason and over the last few months I’ve realized that I most certainly have a lot to offer. I’ve also realized that was my false self being afraid of change. My false self knows that the more I become my true self; it (false self) will no longer be able to shine. I have overcome a lot and my desire to share that with others is genuine and I believe my true calling. Recently I held my own chat and I was greatly humbled by the amount of people in attendance and the positive feedback we received. We’re in the process of planning the next one because it’s not about me. Sharing my life is my service so I’m just going to continue serving. I give myself away! The next time that door opens, I’ll be stepping through with one motive……serving…. and one question “are you ALL ready to keep it NAKED?”!!!