Dear Woman: Are You Damaged Goods??

~Shemeka Michelle shemekaMichelle2_6brownchickschicagonowimage


Recently I was asked this exact question by a potential suitor. Though it may offend a lot of women, I wasn’t at all offended. If truth be told, during times of reflection, I’ve often asked myself this same question. For a long time, I actually thought that I was. I’m a former stripper, very promiscuous in my younger years and was a young mom who had a baby by a married man. I was raised by a single mom and most recently I had a failed marriage. By many accounts, I couldn’t possibly have anything good to bring to the table.

Like so many women, after my failed marriage, I asked myself “What’s wrong with me?” Was I not pretty enough or was my sex not good enough? I can cook; I’m intelligent and extremely supportive. Although I’m more good than bad, I also recognized my faults. I’m moody and I’m definitely not a neat freak. I often say I’m clean but I’m not neat. I’m far from perfect but most of us are willing to admit that. So, things still weren’t adding up for me. Where exactly had I gone wrong in life?

After much soul searching I realized “What’s wrong with me?” was a question that I asked myself to play the victim. It was actually only allowing me to escape responsibility and the role I played. The truth is….it’s okay not to be perfect but what was really wrong with me was that I was making dumb decisions. Instead of playing the victim indirectly, I needed to own up to that fact. Yes, my oldest child’s father wasn’t around. However, did I really expect him to be considering he already had a wife and kids? Yes, my marriage failed. However some of the same behavior exhibited during the marriage was evident prior to me ever saying “I do” yet I moved forward anyway.

As intelligent as I was, I saw evidence of a clear outcome each and every time but was always surprised by the results. Two plus two will always equal four. So if I fool myself into thinking two plus two will equal anything else, who is actually to blame? I guess it’s easier to play the victim as most of the time it can be difficult to admit our own wrong doing. “What’s wrong with me?” definitely sounds better than “I was dicknotized or afraid of being alone so I acted stupidly”!

It’s really as simple as recognizing our errors and making better decisions. It’s pointless to have the writing on the wall but act like we can’t read. Women, we aren’t victims and more often than not, we aren’t tricked or bamboozled.  We simply fail to heed the “he’s not ready for a relationship” signs or accept that he’s just not that in to us. Also, if you listen carefully, men will actually tell you where they stand, where they are in life and how they REALLY feel about you.  Real healing begins with accepting and telling the truth. The truth is we all make mistakes and some of the things that took place in our lives were direct results of those mistakes.  So am I damaged goods? Absolutely not! I’m not a victim either and if you take the steps to true healing dear woman neither are you!


Nakedly yours,

Shemeka Michelle


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