They say Sunday should be a day of rest. Today I decided to stay in and relax. So why do I feel just as exhausted as if I went to work? I told myself I would take the advice of those that are concerned about me and feel as if I should just take a day to stay in the bed. I was told that because I’m always on the go; running two businesses, I needed some “me time”. Between meetings, working, writing, and hospital visits, I needed to rest my body. If only my mind had rested.
I’m getting in the swing of being super busy that comes along with the territory of success. I’ll never complain about where my passion is leading me. There is nothing new when it comes to being physically tired in business. Where I went wrong this Sunday is allowing my mind to take my heart back to places it no longer belonged.
My daughter and my bff called and they both instantly noticed from the sound of my voice something wasn’t right. My back disease (at times) gets me off from them worrying about me. Because of the pain it causes, it’s easier to say at times to just say “it’s my back”. My back really does hurt every day of my life so I didn’t lie to them. However, when they called I was feeling physical AND emotional pain. I allowed my mind to dig up emotions I thought were buried. I was not reminiscing on a love that I once knew either! I felt angered again. I felt regret. I found myself “asking how in the hell was I so fucking dumb?!?!” How in the hell did I lose myself and everything I stand for waiting for a lying, controlling, selfish ass man to change? Was I even looking for him to change? Thinking about it, I really wasn’t. Looking back, I didn’t even give a damn whether he changed or not. So what was I doing? How and why did I allow so much disrespect and deceit? As I lay in bed, I thought to myself I was literally treated like shit! The longer I tossed and turned the more I thought and remembered some horrible things. Who was I? The only thing that was giving me strength to continue this journey down fucked up memory lane was that I was able to ask myself who WAS I instead of who AM I?”
To Be Continued…………