I was recently scrolling Facebook and came across another topic which was “The top 9 Reasons Women Cheat”. I didn’t take the time to read it because immediately my mind starting pondering over the different possible reasons. It just so happened that I was also dragging and not feeling myself. When asked what was wrong, I responded “I feel lonely”. The response I received was “how do you feel lonely when you got everybody?” I answered back “I got everybody but who got me?” At that moment, that’s how I was feeling. I was feeling like I catered to everyone around but I desired someone to cater to me.
Immediately, I remembered the post I saw and that’s when it hit me. Women cheat when they are feeling unheard, unseen, unappreciated and unvalued. Disclaimer: not speaking of the female horn-dog just looking for a good time. I’m talking about those affairs that begin in the heart. Some people would attribute the cheating to a lack of self worth and in some aspects it could be. However I believe, we as women are drawn away or tempted by what appears to be capable of filling the void or lack we are experiencing. Almost as if we know what we’re worth and what we deserve so we long for that fulfillment. If you’re longing to be heard, the man that listens becomes appealing. If you feel overlooked, the man that seems to notice your hair is parted on the right today instead of the left starts to occupy your thoughts.
This other or new person can be likened to a mirage. A mirage is a real optical phenomenon that can be captured on camera but forms a false image. What the image appears to represent however, is determined by the human mind. For example, a traveler in the desert out of his own need may see an image and determine it is a body of water. However, in actuality though the mind saw it, it really doesn’t exist. So it is in relationships. Many times people out of their lack, begin to see false images.
I myself, when I felt I had completely lost myself begin to desire a man from my past who I felt identified with the old me I was longing to be. When he begin to say things like “this isn’t the Shemeka I knew” or “The old Shemeka would’ve never accepted this”, all of a sudden he begin to look like my knight in shining armor. However, it was only a mirage. A false image I begin to see due to the lack I was experiencing. In this case, some of the things he was telling me, I really should have known and believed about myself. Then maybe the mirage wouldn’t have had me sitting across from him at dinner dreaming of a future with him. At the end of the day, he wasn’t real but even still, the mirage made me cheat.